Friday, January 29, 2010


I'm really happy and excited! Ramakrishna President SMS'd yesterday to say they agreed to allow me to sponsor their kids for floorball. I also asked two other Homes - I am waiting for one more Home to reply, but the other Home said 'no' as their kids already do judo on Thursdays! Kekekekekeke!

Floorball in Penang is done by Pst Edward and my ex-classmate Penny. It's really cool!! See...

I think the kids will have an awesome time.

To me, it is a fulfilment of something I'd wanted to do for quite some time. Years ago, when the late Mr. Annamalai was President, I asked him if there was something I could do for Ramakrishna. He thought for a minute and then said, "We need someone to teach them netball. Do you know of anyone?"

Well, I tried and tried but couldn't find anyone willing to commit.

Now I feel as if, years later, I've finally done that something. :> I'll keep updating this blog on how it goes! Yay!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Youth Camp

Last night I was thinking about my kids and remembering an incident...

Orphanage kids joined us at our church's youth camp in 2004, 2005 and 2006. The luckier ones came for two years and had a blast each year :>.

By 2007 though, YA had grown so big there wasn't room for the orphanage kids to come to camp. I had to ask for permission to just bring ONE kid whom I felt needed special attention.

Walking down the road towards Chow Kit on the way to volunteer with the street kids, I bumped into two of the orphanage youths who had come for camp in both 2005 and 2006.

One of them (let's call him X) eagerly asked me, "Sister, this year we got go youth camp or not?"

I had to sadly tell him, "Sorry X... Youth camp is full this year. You all can't come."

And he quickly asked, "What if I pay for myself; can I go or not?"

Oh, how my heart broke to hear those words!

For an orphanage kid to raise enough to go to camp (at least RM200) is no little thing .... he will either have to work part-time in the school holidays, or dig into his savings for $$ that people have donated to him over the years (and don't forget that for an orphanage kid, this is all the money they have in the world. When they come out to work at 17 years old after SPM, nobody is going to manage their food, clothes, housing etc. for them.)

I never knew that youth camp and the friends that he had made there meant so much to this lil guy.

I had to tell him gently, "That's not the point. It's not about the money; it's just that youth camp is really, really full this year."

His face was so sad and disappointed.

As I walked away, I ranted in my heart, saying, "God, this is not fair. There are youths in church who don't even want to go to camp. Their parents have to persuade them to go. But there is no place for my kids who really, really want to go."

I just had to trust that God had something more planned for X. He wouldn't forget him and the desires of his heart.

You know, people always say, "Well, life is not fair." But people don't know just HOW unfair it can get for these kids. This lil guy X - his dad left his mom when he was little, and a few years later, when he was still a young boy, he watched his mother kill herself in front of him. When the orphanage finally found his dad, his dad didn't even want to see him.

I know my church has done their very best and I'm really grateful they let my kids in (hey, my kids ain't angels *grin*). I guess I just wish this world was a little fairer to my kids. I wish there was just a little more room and a little more love for the broken-hearted kids of this world.

Monday, January 25, 2010

The forgiveness shown...

I was pretty angry when I drove home last night. Had gone out to do something which I thought I was supposed to do, only to receive an SMS after I'd arrived at the place to say that I didn't have to.

I guess it was just a build-up of stuff, but I was furiously ranting to myself about being taken for granted, and having had quite enough of it, thank you, and blah blah blah...

I still hadn't calmed down by bedtime, and was lying awake still grumbling to myself. But somehow this song came to me.... "And the depths of love/ the forgiveness shown/ to be called a child of God"

In the perspective, in the light, of the great wonder of being forgiven by God for all the wrong things I'd done, the little things that had added up to my cross-ness and unforgiveness seemed so small.

I can't honestly state that I went to sleep and woke up in an angelic frame of mind, but it calmed me enough to let me sleep, anyway!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Ballet Magnificat

This is my dream place to go... I would love the chance to glorify God through ballet. Somehow my heart is more towards evangelising through dance rather than worshipping God through dance. I think it's because I always feel so self-conscious when I'm dancing and it's hard to worship when you are thinking of yourself and how beautiful you can make something rather than just losing yourself in the worship.

The worse is people coming up all smiles and saying things like, "Wah, you dance so well hor?" and you can only mumble a "Praise God" before wiggling your way away from the person.

At least when I am dancing to evangelise, my whole focus is on God reaching people and touching lives through the dance and I can just forget myself. Maybe someday I will have the opportunity... but if not... the next generation. Someday.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Everything I Need

I was thinking of this song today... It was in a musical drama production of Joseph... This part of the drama was when Joseph met his brothers when they came to Egypt and he pretended he didn't know them. After meeting with them, Joseph went into his own chambers and wept.

I wonder how he felt at that time. I find it so hard sometimes to forgive people who have been cruel and unkind. I don't find it easy to trust again and be soft towards them again.

So I find myself singing this song as a prayer to God.. be the gentleness that You want me to be, because I don't have the strength to do it by myself...

Everything I Need
By The Continentals, from the 'DREAMER, The Story of Joseph' production

Lord I need you to be all the gentleness in me.
I’ve been trying by myself, struggling all alone.
From the very start I knew that I must depend on you.
Here I am, depending on, the rest is up to you.

You’re everything I need for You to be.
You’re everything that shines inside of me.
And I will have the strength to do
All you ask of me.
I will always let you be
Everything I need for you to be.

You are the One who put the stars up in the sky
To brighten the emptiness of space
And You put a light in me today
A dream that will not die away
To brighten every day
And I know that i can say…

Thursday, January 14, 2010

How Great is our God

In Haiti today, 100,000 people are roughly estimated to have died in the recent earthquake. Pondering about that, this song came to mind:-

How great is our God
Sing with me, how great is our God
All the world will say, how great,
How great is our God

Does it seem like the strangest thing to sing during this season? I mean, "100,000 people just died, Gillian, get your head out of the clouds! How can God be great in the face of such destruction in one of the poorest countries of the world?"

Well, do you all remember that very recently (like last week!) one of the churches in KL, Metro Tabernacle, was burnt? It sent waves of shock over the whole nation. I've never heard non-Christians cry out in such rage and anguish at the destruction of a church before!

It seemed like such a horrible thing to have happened; I even blogged about it with exclamation points meant to represent swear words.

But you know what? God turned it all for good...

1) Metro Tab was granted the permit for their new church building
2) They were given RM500K by the government
3) Ministers sat in the church service at MCA Hall which was lent to them
4) They were given RM100K by CIMB!

God promised, 'ALL things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.' And God is always faithful to keep that promise.

It doesn't seem so to us who are 'on the ground' so to speak. We look up to the heavens, shake our fist in fury and pain and cry out, "Why God? Why?"

In our little human perspective, we see destruction, we see thunder storms, we smell death, we hear screams... it all blots out the whispered promises of God.

'See, I am about to do a new thing'... 'Be still and know that I am God'... 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD'...

I read reports that, iin the depths of the Haitians pain, songs of hymns were sung unto God in Haiti that frightening night after the earthquake. What faith! To worship God in the midst of pain and to trust in His love during this time.

I believe that all things will work out for good in Haiti... a good that will spread throughout the earth. I don't know what and I don't know how... I don't know why God did this, and I know I will never understand here on earth... but I know my God... and He is faithful.

He is a good Father, and a good Father will never forsake His children. Stand and see...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Carmen and Paquita

I'm so blessed to have a chance to watch Carmen and Paquita last Sunday night at the Istana Budaya. My dance teacher bought me the tickets as a gift and I felt soooooooo guilty. But I'm glad I went... It was awesomely good!

I was pretty skeptical about how good it would be - blame me, I have a cynicism where Malaysian artistes are concerned! When I arrived at the hall and saw that there were professional dancers involved as well, I thought, "Phew! That's a relief!" and "Oh my goodness, how embarassing! I hope our dancers don't do TOO badly, and give them a bad impression of us!"

Which wasn't the case at all! If anything, after watching the performance, I felt our Malaysian dancers did better than the Japanese students (who were the corps de ballet). Of course, that's partly because the Malaysian dancers were the prizewinners of the Malaysian Ballet Competition by TDS and semi-professional in their own right.

Mind you, even the children danced surprisingly well! And I remember one kid in particular seemed to light up the whole stage with her smile... she had stage presence; very important for any performer to learn.

The male lead was STUNNING! I was so impressed with his leaps! I normally do not like watching male dancers because they tend to be so-so, but this guy obviously wasn't!

Ena herself who danced Carmen was okay-ish but I wasn't very, very impressed. I have a few fave dancers in America/ Russia and I think their technique is better (my teacher and I always argue about this - I insist technique is more important, she argues artistry is equally important! *lols*)

I google'd Carmen and Paquita when I got home and stumbled onto a few Malaysian ballet student blogs, including those who were ex-prize winners of the competition or who were dancing in the performance. I really felt so awfully jealous of those who got the chance to go to ballet summer school as their prize for winning the ballet competition. What an awesome privilege! It's so nice!

Oh, and I did learn something from watching Carmen and Paquita. If you want to get anywhere in the ballet world and you're stuck in Malaysia, join Ellie Zhou ballet studio! *lols* They produced the most and the best performers!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Metro Tab

Wow, all I can say is that Metro Tab must have made the devil real mad! And reading about the things they've been doing in the newspapers... telling people about Jesus and getting em saved... I'm not surprised!!

"Friday January 8, 2010
Church damaged in midnight fire

KUALA LUMPUR: The Metro Tabernacle Church in Desa Melawati here was damaged after a group of youths threw flammable materials into the ground floor of the church located in a shoplot.

No one was injured in the incident as the church was empty at that time.

It was believed the incident, which occurred at about 12.30am, happened after a group of youths on motorcycles rode up to the church, smashed the glass panels on the ground floor of the three-storey building and later threw some materials into the building that started a fire.

Church lay leader Rtd Major Peter Yeow, 62, said witnesses were not near enough to get a closer look at the youths who sped away after the act.

The witnesses then called the police as well as the Fire and Rescue Department, which arrived within minutes and doused the fire.

City CID chief SAC 11 Datuk Ku Chin Wah confirmed the incident.

It is believed that a molotov cocktail was thrown into the church.

SAC Ku said the police were investigating the incident from all angles."

Monday, January 4, 2010

It's all good!

Lately I've found this phrase slipping out of my mouth a lot, "It's all good."

I don't know where I picked it up from, honestly! It stands for, "All things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." It is so reassuring to know that in the midst of a storm, all things will work something for our good because God destines it so.

There have been 'storms' in our firm lately... and yesterday my dad was talking to me about some things. It's funny but there was a sense of peace and purpose in my heart when he was talking to me.

I think the year of rest and quiet in 2009 has prepared me for the storms coming simply because I spent more time in His presence and His Word... and through it all, I've learnt this quiet peace from knowing my life is in His hands...

Thank God for His loving reassurance... It's all good!