Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Grandmom

Strange... I dreamt about my grandma two nights ago. I dreamt she had just passed away and I was crying and crying....

It's strange because my grandmother passed away a year and a half ago and none of us cried. She was a wonderful lady - all my friends liked her tremendously when they met her. But I guess as a family we had to be strong for each other so we didn't cry at all...we stayed strong.

Maybe it was just pent-up grief, I don't know. In my dream, I loved her and grieved at her passing so much.

But when I woke up, I thought back to the time that my grandma had died. And truthfully? I didn't know my grandmother that well. Family problems had always contrived to keep us apart right up to the time I moved out to stay with my dad.

By that time, we just didn't have enough time to get to know each other. We were like strangers... sweet strangers; but strangers nonetheless. I enjoyed being with her - she spoke Hokkien to me, Mandarin to my Canadian cousins, Hakka to my Alor Setar cousins, and Bahasa Malaysia to my brother and youngest girl cousin!

I regret... we didn't have time to get to know each other. And I wonder where she is now. Life is such that if you don't learn to lock up the grief - the wondering whether your loved ones made it to heaven - you won't be able to continue with the daily duties of life.

The night before she passed away, I woke up with a strong urgency to pray for her. I did so until I felt the burden lift and then I slept. My aunt told me at the funeral that she had asked my grandmother if she could pray for her and she said yes. A look of such peace came on my grandmother's face before she slipped away. Who knows what God did in just that one prayer?

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