Monday, October 4, 2010

Selling Yourself

This girl came back to my mind on Sunday - I don't know why. Her story was drifting in and out of my thoughts over the weekend.

'Amy'(her codename) was used periodically throughout her childhood for pornography. I remember that Lisa Ling mentioned she had seen one of the videos during her newstory for Nightline about Internet pornography and, in her own words, 'It scarred me for life'.

On the one hand, I am proud of her for turning her victimization into a stance of power. She is claiming $3.4million in damages from every single person who possesses pictures and videos of her being raped.

On the other hand, I am concerned that she is using the videos to 'earn' money, in a sense. Whilst it is powerful for her to claim the appropriate recompense from those who exploited her and kept the exploitation going, I wonder what is she learning from this?

I guess my concern stems from - well, when you've been 'touched', somehow, over time, as you get 'used' to being touched, there are, I think, moments when you use the touching for something.

It isn't necessarily something as overt as money or favours eg. clothes or a new car. It can simply be love and affection, being held close after the 'touching' is over (for a moment, anyway, till it begins again)... and for that, you're willing to put up with being 'touched' because you're so used to it, you can 'take it'.

Sad, isn't it? I guess this is why child predators know which children to prey on - the little, sad, rebellious, angry ones who have no one to turn to are so much easier to 'use'.

So I wonder why Amy is doing this, and what is she learning from this? Will it push her, later on, to sell her body for sex? After all, her body has already been 'used' and it doesn't feel like anything to be used again.

Will she find that this is a good money-earner and start selling others? Amazingly, almost half of human traffickers are women!

I pray there will be deep healing in her life so that she can put this all behind her and move on to powerfully help other young women and men caught in the aftermath of the same trauma and pain she went through.

For that, is truly the position of strength.

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