Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Today...

I'm still feeling disoriented... It feels strange to be back in Malaysia and back in the office. Ayu assured me yesterday that she felt the same way when she got back from her Cambodia expedition, and that the feeling takes about a week to pass!

The past few days, especially after the youths told us they did not want to do education anymore, I've been asking often in my heart, Have we impacted the youths?

Even after all the warnings from C and S that there will be no visible results after the trip, I still want to know! I still want to see 'results'.

Paul yesterday asked me if the youths were able to share with me and open up? And I said yes, and he said that meant they trusted me.

But that isn't the point. I KNOW the youths can open up and share with me and that they trust me... but what about them? What has happened inside their hearts, their guts? Have they grown in confidence and strength? Have they received lessons of gratitude and fortitude? Have they developed compassion and have we modelled kindness and care?

Sending back the youths is incredibly painful because we know where the youths come from.... Families and backgrounds where there is pain and sadness and anger. It's not the best environment to 'go home' too.

Have we given them enough 'cushion' in terms of love and lessons of resilience so that they can stay strong and choose to reject negative influences? Can they pull themselves out of hopelessness to believe that their future can be different, the families they create will be different?

In my heart a hungry cry, "Did we make a difference? Did I make a difference? Was it worth it?"

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