Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Being a light

I just haven't felt like blogging lately :>. A lot on my plate.

Some days I need to step back, look at what is being created, and just smile. And I always shake my head that God would ever entrust this beautiful creation to me... but... He does! He gives me the chance to make a part of the world beautiful for others... and I am silent with awe.

I'm really excited about the Amazing Race this Sunday. At first, it seemed like a chore. Volunteer work gets like that when things get too heavy. But then, friends came alongboard and asked, "How can we help?" and before I knew it, things were falling into place, people were signing up to help, and it became so exciting.

I'm triply happy because of the beautiful souls that we are meeting ... youths from East Timor Leste who are here because they need urgent medical attention. Knowing that this will be a fun day for them too, makes me so squigglishly happy!

I ranted on FB yesterday :>. So sorry, but I did!

I have been meeting with a number of adults who are struggling with depression lately. Not the kind caused by abuse or abandonment or neglect. But just low self-esteem and a weariness, I think, with making their place in this world. And I'm ashamed to admit that I find myself getting impatient.

When I think of the refugee youths... when I think of my kids... when I meet survivors who have come out strong to help others who are in the same desperate situation they were in before... I just want to shake these adults and tell them, "Please, look around you - you are so fortunate! Get up and do something with your life, don't sit around and be depressed when you don't have to be!"

And ironically, every single one of those who replied to my rant on FB either by way of a comment or a 'like' were inspirational, amazing people. Every single one of them makes a difference in others' lives.

And they gently encouraged me, "Listen to them. Just listen."

I was so touched that L quoted me. I wanted to shout to some of the people whom I was thinking about who are in their depressed state, "Just look at L! Look at how much she has accomplished! Look how courageously she attacks life and grabs it by its lapels and lives life full out!"

But... I've learned the hard way that people stuck in depression cannot hear. The clouds of depression whirl so thick around them, muffling all sound and dimming all colours... locking them in to a self-centred world.

I don't know how to penetrate that cloud of self-absorption. All I can do is cry out to God for wisdom. Because I know there must be a purpose why He brought all these people into my path... or they wouldn't have crossed my path. I just asked Him for grace not to 'murder' any of them ;> ... be it by cruel words or impatient tones.

Some thing too that I have been learning lately... This was the third person in a month who has quoted me on Facebook... Either for a status or a note that I wrote. It reminds me to be careful of what I write... to make sure my words are seasoned with salt and not careless.

The words others choose to quote, I notice, are inspirational words. I think the world wants to hear 'hope'. They want to know that in this world of darkness, there is a light to aim for and a way to climb up to reach it.

Thinking about that, I picked up again Darlene Zschech's book on the Generational Transition. I am reading that now, reminding myself again what it means to be a 'leader'. I may not like it, I may not want to be one, but I think we are all called to be leaders in just the way we influence others by the things we say and the ways we choose to behave.

I have to run, this post is way long! Agape, everyone!

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