Thursday, May 19, 2011

Hidden strength

Finally 'going home' to City Harvest church is... I don't even know how to find the words to describe the feeling. I think Heaven will be a million times better, but it is that kind of feeling.... just 'going home' after a long, long day.

Thanks to the fact that most of my volunteer work is on Sunday, I decided I needed to find a Saturday night service rather than hang around hoping my volunteer stints would let up. I thought of all the churches that had Saturday night services, and honestly, I was at first reluctant to go to CHC because I thought it might be too 'youth-y' for me.

But just being there, seeing youths in cut-off jeans, black t-shirts with wild designs, off-shoulder blouses... electrical instruments handled expertly to become instruments of praise.... video screens during worship... I felt just right :> Working with youths so much has made me most comfortable with being around youths, rather than adults.

And you know what was the best thing of all? I knew that I would never hear a word of cruel criticism made against my pastor and my pastor's wife here. And that was the greatest relief of all.

I can't number the times when I've been driven to tears in secret because of the cruel accusations and criticisms hurled at Pst Kong and Pst Sun. Sometimes I wanted to turn around and hurl back at the people saying those accusations, "Excuse me, but please look at YOUR life!" But that would be rude, and wrong. God is Pst Kong and Pst Sun's vindicator, and He is faithful.

Sometimes I look at all Pst Kong and Pst Sun have gone through, and I'm amazed. I know that as a youth, Pst Sun struggled with depression. I know that Pst Kong came from a broken family. I marvel at how God has made them strong on the inside to go through the horrendous pain of the world turning against them. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like.

I go to Youtube videos, and I see nasty messages calling Pst Sun all kinds of horrible things written there. It makes me so angry and hurt on her behalf... I can't even imagine if I am Pst Sun how I will feel. I see websites set up speaking against Pst Kong.

I can only pray: God, make me that strong. That really I only rely on Your affirmation. That really I can stand when the whole world is accusing me and mocking me and has turned against me because YOU are for me. That just having You as my only Friend, I can be happy. I can be fulfilled inside, just because I have You.

I haven't reached that stage yet. God, keep me growing in You. And God, remember my pastors. Remember them always and strengthen them. Let them know that they are loved. And God, give them the strength to forgive every cruel word spoken against them.

Only You can make someone THAT strong.

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