Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Scared stiff

Really scared for tomorrow... Have no idea what's going to happen at the Advanced. All I know is that my small group leader told me that she came out of the room during the first break and didn't want to go back in... and she was so freaked that when the doors opened, she jumped in fright. And that 6-7 people have told me, "No matter what happens, do NOT leave the training."


So of all the smart things to do, to calm myself, I asked myself, "What's the scariest thing that ever happened to me?"

Bad mistake. Bad memories came flooding in.

And I think that's part of why I'm so on edge today. It's been an incredible journey of looking back... but you see, I've covered up the past for a reason. I don't want to look back. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK... I want to forget.

I thought I had forgotten... but I was wrong. It was all there... just covered up, under a blanket that says, "I'm okay"

I want to do this, but I'm afraid... what will the Advanced bring? And can I go through it 100%? I must.

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