Friday, October 14, 2011

Is This What I Really Want?

I'm feeling low today... I dunno why. It could be just the after-effects of a great push as I scramble to get things done before I leave for Manila, Philippines next Friday. So much to do... enrollments, PPGs, Guest Events, supporting Team mates, CS, work, volunteer work...

What LP has shown me is what my life COULD be if I want it... I don't know if it's because I'm feeling low, but a part of me wonders if this is what I really want.

The LP journey has been a crazy non-stop race... Far busier than I was already. And it's been service, service, service all the time. It's been risking with people more than I have ever gone just to be in contribution to them. Risking ME in order to contribute to others...

And that's the life I dream of switching to... A life that will be of service to others 24/7. I want to set up a centre for counselling sexually abused kids and then I want to set up centres all over the world for rescuing and serving children and youths... This is my dream.

But what I can't imagine right now is a life of non-stop LP journey. In the LP journey, the highs have been too high and the lows have been too low... I have reached physical and mental exhaustion to the point that I don't think anymore, I just do... I brace myself all the time for higher leaps than I've ever reached, greater risks than I've ever taken, feelings that are deeper than any level I've been to... I love people and give to others ALL THE TIME!!

And is this truly the life I want to live? I'm exhausted. I am nothing short of exhausted.

But then, why would I want to live a mundane, boring, oatmeal-beige life?

What's the trade-off? What will I choose? I think I know my choice. Live or die, it's going to be a life of service every single day of my life.

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