Thursday, February 23, 2012

Rose-Coloured Glasses

Do I see people through rose-coloured glasses? Do I see things as better as they are?

It's funny, isn't it? Real wake-up call today when somebody pointed out that someone else is really lying. Well, the person didn't use the word 'lie', but let's be more point-blank, shall we?

I don't know... I had that experience earlier when everything seemed fine to me and then... Disaster strikes. And I wonder, how did I miss it? What did I not see?

Aren't I supposed to be the suspicious one? Haven't they all been telling me to trust and believe and all the rest of it? I find it sad that when I do, I find more reasons for failure than I do for success... More reason to STOP believing and trusting, than to continue.

I'm disappointed... I honestly am. And I think it's time I wake up to ugliness and stop believing in beauty. And maybe stop believing in giving and loving and caring and all the things that I believe in. It's a really ugly world, after all.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Two Different Views

What I've learnt over these past few weeks is... There ARE going to be people who will not 'be there for you' after all. And I can choose to use those people as my example that, "See, I knew it! It's better not to trust anyone because people only lie."

Or I could say, "Look at the people who promised they would be there for me, and you know what? They were... Always. Just as they promised." And I can use that to change my view to "I can trust people again."

Deeply grateful for the people who kept their promises in my life.

Friday, February 10, 2012


Sometimes all it takes is seeing people soar to know that it is all worth it...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Tough time

Going through a tough time just now...

I decided to postpone my Masters in Counselling... I couldn't cope with the added pressure and physical tiredness. Unfortunately, Help Uni replied to say they would forfeit the RM5,500 that I paid!! That was so damn expensive it left me gasping for breath. The only way I can stay with my decision is not to think about it... If I do, I'll tell myself I'm crazy and jump back into the grind.

There is so much on my mind... There are some major issues at work that I'm worried about. They can only be handled.

There is senior-ing...

There is Agape Vision... We shed the name and logo CampVision after Suan and I had a talk about it. Thank God for Samantha and Avis at this time that we can share the load... But we had a breakdown last month and this month and it was a scramble to fix it.

Then there is Expedition AGAPE. By hook or by crook, this project MUST go on. We've got the Dana Belia funding for it, and there is a time frame. We're not ready to proceed and I'm worried.

I honestly want to take a break from all other activities. But there are commitments that I want to honour no matter what.

Maybe there ARE limits to how much I can give before I run dry.