Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Dr. Robin Harfouche

I listened to this incredible lady's testimony one year when she came to Malaysia and was very touched. She has walked such a long and amazing journey in life to where God is now using her powerfully.

I remember watching her testify and heard her stumble over her words as she started to share about the sexual abuse she had been thru as a child. It's tough to share... And I totally respect her for sharing her story again and again.

One thing that she shared in another time when she was preaching is how even though she was 5 years old she knew that to tell the truth of what she was going thru would break up the family... even though she was 5 years old, she knew.

And it's true. Children are incredibly knowledgeable little beings...

'Why' for the Centre? Because no kid should suffer in silence. Because any kid brave enough to share deserves to be listened to and receive care, protection and counselling. Because any kid who doesn't have the words to share needs someone who can piece the pieces together for her.

That's some of the reasons 'why'...

Monday, July 30, 2012

Finally set up!

We've received our official approval to set up Agape Vision as a society :> I'm so happy and relieved! It's been quite a ride and quite a long journey from the time we first dreamt of doing this, back in 2010, all the way to today.

This year has been such a wonderfully 'cushioned' year because of the Dana Belia funding... No need to worry about fund-raising and finances... And thanks to our terrible 'stinge-ing' habits, we've got extra left over to continue our program for quite a while!

You know something... one of the things that has held me back from going full-force with my dreams of expanding the work I do with setting up a counselling centre for abused kids, and setting up centres all over the world for rescuing youths is finance.

But I just realised today as I was doing my work that actually, I'm in the perfect place for that. I CAN viably earn quite a bit that I can then channel to the work that I do.

I always thought it had to be 'one or the other', but it doesn't have to be, does it? I CAN do both!

And by doing so, I'll solve the biggest worry I had for both the set up and the continuous funding. Also, I've realised that my work puts me ina  perfect position to discover who is generous in the corporate world *grin*.

I guess God does have a great and perfect plan - He knew exactly what He was doing when He placed me where I am... It's just that I'm sometimes so bone-headedly determined, I forget He has a bigger plan and it doesn't need any improvement :) ... Just the faith to walk in it!

Friday, July 20, 2012

LP153 Torch Pass

This morning's torch pass was so beautiful... I have to stop going for torch passes lah... This one made me cry again! Goodness knows why... probably because SP is 1/2 my enrollment too!... and maybe because seeing the seniors always makes me feel...

I don't know...

It always brings me back to my own senioring journey to see other seniors... I watch them and wonder what works for them... why it didn't work for me... I wonder if the next time will be different, and if I want to have a next time!

YK asked me about senioring LP157, and a part of me is jumping to do it, and another part is holding back in fear...

Unusually for me, I'm pretty 'free' around the time LP157's 3 months journey will be... Coincidential? Or a 'selah' time that I should grab and NOT fill?

And what's my intention if I choose to go?

Next week is Mastery... I'm looking forward to it because of what YF shared when I asked her how to get over senioring results ;>... But I don't know if the answers are there, or just within me.

And on another note, about the Torch Pass, you know what ---> Loving... contributing... giving... having others win... These are the reasons I love what AW do. For a moment, just a moment, I see that the world I dream of which is full of love and giving, is more wondrous than I could ever imagine. I know it... Because I've seen it... Even if it's just for a moment.

Committed EA Team

Poh Li was saying that she has never seen such a bunch of more committed volunteers. And she's right :>

Sometimes, when I'm asking for the Team to do something, I feel a wee bit apprehensive and guilty... After all, we are all unpaid volunteers. But they jump in to do it anyway and give their 100%.

I am so very blessed :>

Monday, July 16, 2012

The movie Brave

One mistake that I made.... When I asked the EA youths in my small group what struck them most about the movie that we took them to - Brave - one and all said, "The love between mother and daughter."


Some heart longings we can never heal...

Buddy Team Outing 2

Missed the youths like crazy!! And e volunteers too of course :>

Check out Cindy's super-hot mee!

Having breakfast

Team discussion..
The youths need to decide what to do with the community service
as RACTAR is fasting during that time. 

Posing outside the cinema

At cinema 7!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Change of plan

Help Uni just confirmed that I can't join the Sept semester :(... The subjects require me to have had other classes first. I'll have to start in January 2013.

I'm sure it'll work out for the best in the end... God ALWAYS has a plan. But yesterday and today I was thinking, especially as I looked at the other AW seniors... I gave up so much to do senioring in terms of time, energy, resources, heart... It took so much out of me, and the results absolutely STANK.

And looking back, Was it worth it at all? Was it worth it to have given up so much when it was a rough journey for me and a worse journey for my small group? I feel as if I've failed them miserably... They didn't grow as much, gain as much, as those in the other small groups. Not to mention the two that I lost...

I went into LP senioring just because I wanted the LPs to have an amazing journey like I did... but that didn't happen... The opposite did. So... what was it all for?

I often say that I have no regrets in my life. All journeys in the end showed themselves to be 'worth it'. But frankly, if I could turn back time, I would... To the time and day I said 'yes' to senioring, and change it to a 'no'.

I am so sorry, Team.

To live a dream

"Nobody promised it would be easy... They just said that it would be worth it." I still find I need to have counselling hours to do the work that I dream of. What is my next step? I'm going back to college for my Masters in Counselling and I'm going to visit One In Four... But what else must I do?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Life on the Native American reservations

This is really shocking...

One in Four org.

The organization I want to vsit. I'm dreaming all the time about creating this... About how it will work. Thank You God for A who has agreed to work in my centre when I set it up. So much left to create for this to come true!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Random thots after ALI

One ALI last night and one tonight... A guest event the night after. For non-AW's, 'ALI' and 'guest events' are just AsiaWorks post-completion events.

I love seeing the glow and 'awake' looks on those who come for ALI... I grasp that they've gotten something that excites them and they see possibilities in their lives that have not been there before. I get especially excited when they come and sign up for the next stage - the Advanced. I know they'll grow and change and renew in ways that they've never thought, or dared to dream, possible.

And yet, last night when I was watching one girl in particular sign up, my mind wandered to one of my shelter girls. I had an aching longing for her to be sitting right where this girl was sitting... Having experienced what this girl had experienced, and having the opportunity that this girl has.

If I wanted my girl to be there, I'd have to cough up the RM2K, I knew... And I've 'coughed up' a lot over the past year. Somehow it's never enough... there are always more who need the spaces in the training room... so many who need the changes and freedom that they can experience.

In September, I will be holding the Sponsored Power Series for orphanage children in conjunction with AW Foundation. I emailed a note to the trainer to suggest that perhaps the training had to be 'tweaked'a  bit though! The Home kids are often not as good in their studies, not so literate, and have burdens and heart-wounds that other kids have not had to face yet.

The PS training conducted by AW was never meant for such children, and is a high-powered training that kids who are better educated and come from stable homes can absorb better than my kids. I know that because I've sent 3 of them twice and I had 'reports' of their inability to concentrate by the end of the courses! *lols*

How I wish I had the ability to do what AW does so that I could take it to those who need it and can't afford it. I think I'll never run out of finding things, courses, camps etcc. that will benefit those who can't afford it and try to stretch my resources to bring it to them.

I wonder sometimes, when I'm very tired, if I'm right or wrong to do so. After all, one thing which we're cautioned about in AW is that it is often for the growth of the other person to go through the road they need to take in order to attend the training. So ... should I just not bother at all and not make it any easier for them?

Next month, I'll be going down to London and visiting One in Four. I wonder what they'll have there, and if there are opportunities there for me to train and grow in confidence to start my own centre in Malaysia. I know one of the biggest hurdles for me, besides 'finance' is 'how-to'. Whilst I do pioneer things, I always make sure I have a term of reference first! I want to see what a centre looks like and what healings are possible before I start one of my own.

God lead me...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

My uncle

Woke up in the wee hours today when my auntie called to say that my uncle has passed away in Jakarta. I'm not sad for him because he has been suffering like crazy with lung cancer.. I'm glad the pain has ended but I am sad for his children.

It makes me think about life too... In a rather dreary way, I'm afraid. Just the 'what is it all for' of life.

My uncle is in his 60's. That's it... Just 60+ years of life... and then he dies.

There's been so much conflict... stuff I'm definitely not going to put on a public blog!... and then it's the end. Now what?

Thinking about my dream... I think, isn't it ironic that my dream is to counsel abused children? And that when I've finished setting up the centre, I want to set up centres all over the world for child soldiers, runaways, child prostitutes etc.

Why? Why does this world suck that way? Why should there be a need for such centres at all? Why can't people just love kids so much so that there will be no need for such centres? Why is this world so full of hate, anger, abuse, war, neglect, apathy etc.?

And why live, if this is all the world is about? Sometimes... I don't get it.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


One of the centres we work with, Annai Illam, just changed over to become MCCS. We visited them on the day of their opening since 6 of our youths are from MCCS.

Little did we know, the youths had prepared surprises for us... and many of the speeches were of thanks to us.

We were also surprised to see that the bulletin board was full of Agape Vision and Expedition Agape photos! It was so sweet!

This was really an acknowledgement that I needed.... To know that the work we do DOES make a difference in the lives of our youths. Somedays I wonder... and to hear the youths and the adults say, "Yes, this had an impact" is a precious gift.

One year to the day....

Exactly a year ago I went into the AsiaWorks Basic... How far the journey led me! Today, two of my enrollments are going in to staff the Basic. I've enrolled 13 friends/ family/ colleagues so far, I think? And I've watched their lives change too...

When I look at my photo from the time I was in the Basic, I can see so much change in me since then... I'm bolder, I stand straighter, I smile more, I speak up, I'm determined, and at the very base of it all... I'm happier. The messed-up threads in my life straightened out and colours shone and glowed again in my life.

I am so blessed. Thank You God for making the wrong things right again. One year ago, I could not dream that I would be so happy. :)