Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Full circle

One of the things that I wanted to do when I was in London was to visit a centre called One in Four. Dr. Goh from Help Uni recommended me to go visit them when I shared in class my dream of setting up a Centre for abused kids.

I felt so, so nervous the night before I went... It felt as if my dream was too scarily close! So I got there... and waited... and waited... My appointment was at 9a.m., but nobody was there and nobody was picking up the phone either. I panicked thinking I had the wrong place, but the sign on the door said 'One in Four' so I stayed.

Finally at 9:45a.m. a lady came up adn started opening the door and I ran up to her. Turns out Linda forgot our appointment :> but she was ever so nice and gracious and invited me in.

The whole place was so warm and cozy and welcoming... They had a proper office, and 3 counselling rooms done up to look like living rooms. And in the corner, there were toys! My eyes brightened as it looked as if they counselled children as well.

We had a chat, and Linda discussed with me starting a branch of One in Four in Malaysia. She recommended me someone that she knew in Malaysia who knew how One in Four works as she had been volunteering with them - a lady called C.

She had another appointment, so we had to rush the discussion, and she promised to put me and C in touch thru email.

Yesterday, I finally got in touch with C. Guess what? She was formerly a country manager in AsiaWorks >.< Can't believe it! No wonder Linda described her as a 'real go-getter'.

Anyway, going to meet up with her tomorrow.

It's funny, I closed my eyes just now and just saw myself heading on this express-train push towards my dream... and what I saw, was myself breaking my board.

It feels just the same.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

EA Malaysia 2012 Graduation


They've graduated!! After 5 very, very full months.

And now we go on to the 'What's next' - self-coaching lead by Wee Sern and Jennifer for 6 months, all the way to EA M'sia 2013! Whew!

Meanwhile, lots to prepare... YLD starting Sept 22nd, and Sponsored Power Series for orphanage kids on Sept 29-30th! Busy to the max!!!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Realisation

Yesterday, one of my girls came over and was her usual affectionate self... Unusually though, she started to pour out more and more of what she is going thru lately... All the things that are stored in her mind and heart that she doesn't normally share behind her smiling face.

She loves hugs, and as we playfully swung our arms around, I looked down... And saw what I expected to see... Faint lines scrolled sideways, up and down...

I've seen these too often in my girls', and sometimes boys', arms... Times when the hurt, the frustration, the pain, the anger get too much and they use whatever is their favourite implement to make the deep cuts that leave those faint lines...

I did what I usually do... Share and talked with her about what she can do next time when she is feeling low... Call or write or FB... Communicating the pain makes it less.

But I never share with the youths that sometimes, being an adult doesn't mean everything goes away.

What really encouraged me today was this chapter in a book I'm reading:

"I had hoped I would never feel like self-harming again. But in reality, rather like an alcoholic who doesn't stop craving a drink, I finally had to accept that I would always feel like harming myself when I was at my lowest point. Accepting that, and embracing it, was the key that would allow me to channel in a different way the feelings that went with the urge to self-harm.

I needed to keep myself safe, not for someone else, but because I thougth I was worth it."

Beautiful and perfect.

Tough decision

Really tired... Didn't get to sleep after 2-something a.m... Couldn't seem to knock-out.

I woke up really early for the comm service with our EA M'sia youths because we had to pick up youths from one centre.

We brought them to the Home where our other EA M'sia youths were staying and they had morning discussion. It was then that one of the house mothers of that Home said, "Eh, what happened to that boy's face?"

I looked, and at first I thought it was just the normal rough and tumble scars that all boys seem to accumulate. Only it wasn't.

I was really at a loss as to what to do. There were circumstances that would suggest it'd be wiser to keep silent and look away.

The youths did an excellent community service :> Thank God, as we were being audited by Dana Belia, the providers of our EA fund, yesterday. But it was kind of a 'blur' day for me... All I could see was my youth's face.

Eventually I spoke to someone who has ties with the Welfare Department. She was absolutely furious, and told me that she would take action.

I confess, I was rather alarmed at that... And my youths who were involved were VERY upset at that.

*sigh* Whenever I'm faced with something like this, and being a volunteer, I see this crop up often, I remember the other instances I faced when I was advised, "Keep quiet about it."

This was my first time deciding not to, and I am pretty sure that because of my decision, there will be consequences because of the people involved.

So... I'm worried. But... I think if I'd stayed quiet, I'd still have sleepless nights... and maybe more of them. Maybe it's time I learn to stop keeping quiet.

Update: *sigh* It looks like there's gonna be a big hoo-ha about this that will affect not just the kids but also the Centre. I'm really not happy about that as it's a good centre, even if they are poor. :(