Yesterday, one of my girls came over and was her usual affectionate self... Unusually though, she started to pour out more and more of what she is going thru lately... All the things that are stored in her mind and heart that she doesn't normally share behind her smiling face.
She loves hugs, and as we playfully swung our arms around, I looked down... And saw what I expected to see... Faint lines scrolled sideways, up and down...
I've seen these too often in my girls', and sometimes boys', arms... Times when the hurt, the frustration, the pain, the anger get too much and they use whatever is their favourite implement to make the deep cuts that leave those faint lines...
I did what I usually do... Share and talked with her about what she can do next time when she is feeling low... Call or write or FB... Communicating the pain makes it less.
But I never share with the youths that sometimes, being an adult doesn't mean everything goes away.
What really encouraged me today was this chapter in a book I'm reading:
"I had hoped I would never feel like self-harming again. But in reality, rather like an alcoholic who doesn't stop craving a drink, I finally had to accept that I would always feel like harming myself when I was at my lowest point. Accepting that, and embracing it, was the key that would allow me to channel in a different way the feelings that went with the urge to self-harm.
I needed to keep myself safe, not for someone else, but because I thougth I was worth it."
Beautiful and perfect.