Thursday, May 23, 2013

Going through...

So a total shift from 'I have to stay here' to 'I can go out and live my dream'.

My Masters wasn't starting before 2014, so I thought of what I could do in the here and now... All the baby steps that I could go through. And I remembered Madeleine from PSTC telling me, "Go try out different counselling techniques and experience what they are like."

So, who can I call about this, right? And what about this whole area of 'being stuck' and not moving forward?

I called someone who I had volunteered together with... And someone who knew my dream and who had agreed one day to come in and talk to the girls when I set up my centre.

Our first session, we went through EA which was super-great as I was slumping in energy. And the session with the youths and volunteers flowed beautifully and greater than I had expected with ease.

And then we came to my dream.

So now, no shortcuts... Just walking right through every step of the way until I get there.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

God's reminder to me, thru the ministry of these beautiful soldiers of Christ, that the healing, the growth, the change, will never be complete without the message of Him and His healing.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

When you open...

And so the programme that I was looking for, that couldn't be found in North America, was just across the Causeway after all...

And it has so much that I wanted to do... Family counselling, pet therapy, art therapy, DANCE therapy... And there actually IS something called Emotional Regulation!

I'm not too sure that I want a residential setting for my kids, but on the other hand, I'm distressed at the number of cases where one perpetrator is taken away, and another crops up in the family. And with cases of girls who retract their statement, probably due to coercion by the moms.

So this is perfect... Wow...

I found out 2 things during this week... I found out that when you stop pushing something away and stop rejecting it, then disassociation also stops.

And I found out that when you are ready to accept and do something, everything will come to you.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Same Dream

I am so excited, listening to beautiful Glori Meldrum and her dream... And now only I learn that there is NO long-term facility for children who have been sexually abused in America. I love that she is looking at equine therapy (loves!!!!!!) and play therapy and letting the children know how special and loved they are!! Oh my gosh!!!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

You're not worthy...

Receive a gift... give it away.

Take a holiday... 'I'm too busy'.

A task needs to be done... 'I'll do it!'

When you don't feel 'worthy', it makes it so hard to believe that you 'deserve' something. Things that other people take for granted - food, affection, breaks... All this, you can't have because you're not 'worthy'.

You keep working, and working, and working... And looking at all the people who are taking a short break, laughing and enjoying the companionship of others... And you feel a pang that used to be sharp, now dulled, 'knowing' that you can't have any of that.

So you trudge on... and on... and on... And life turns grey and meaningless, filled with drudgery, empty of joy and love and laughter and renewal of energy... because you are not 'worthy'.

And what makes you 'unworthy'? Who told you years ago that you don't deserve any of this? What voice whispered in your ear that because you are [fill in the blank], you are like a stepchild of this world, who needs to earn your way, just for the right to live here?

I don't know.

Sometimes, you don't need to wait until you 'understand' before you can change... Sometimes it's as simple as making the decision to do so ❤

Monday, May 6, 2013


It's so 'drama' in my country this elections!

The ruling party came into power again, and there are shrieks of 'cheating' and 'blackouts planned' and 'banglas (a really rude word for Bangladeshi!) as phantom voters'.

Here's my thot:-

"First time it really comes home to me - the difference between being 'victim' and 'responsible'. I think it's a waste of time blaming the ruling party, SPR, TNB, gawd knows who else... Moaning and complaining and sulking... Rather than:

1) Looking at the results, and ACCEPTING it (rather than refusing ownership by saying it is all somebody else's fault)

2) Looking at what needs to be changed; how can I do things differently

3) And take action!!

There IS a tomorrow!!!"

I got tremendously tired of the skewed way of thinking and seeing that people had after a while. I support candidates on both sides of the election - I find good people on either side. I see corruption and wrong happening on BOTH sides, and i see good and righteous stands on BOTH sides too!

People say, there were Bangladeshi workers who came to stand as voters. As a result, innocent people were shoved around, and one I know was beaten... Even though they are Malaysians.

People say, there were blackouts and fake ballot boxes came in. One of my friends who volunteered at the polling station said the same happened at hers. This morning she apologized - she was wrong, and it was legit. I encouraged her to say so publicly, because the rumours fly too quickly - the corrections and ownership of wrong words are slow.

People say, Barisan cheated! How else could they have won and Pakatan lost? They failed to see that the rallying cry and the votes for change were coming from the urban cities, where Pakatan won handsomely. The rural districts and friends I know, quietly cast their vote for Barisan, and celebrated quietly when they won.

People say, "It's HOPELESS!! There's no use trying!" At that point, I was disgusted enough to write the above post on FB.

No, I'm not a Pakatan supporter, but I am for a corruption-much-less (free is a dream, no?), well-run country WHICHEVER government comes in. And I think that's what Malaysians want - when I talk to Pakatan supporters, they're not totally sold on the party... They just don't want the ruling coalition to rule anymore, and they're tired of being cheated with leaks and a system that does not promote free speech.

It's so funny :) today I thought of the Perseverance Push! What if, instead of pushing through, we wail and cry and point our fingers at the blockers and say, "It's not faiiiirrrr!!! They're cheating!! It's impossible!! Teacher... You see him!!!" You get what I mean?

Push through to your dream, Malaysia! Don't say, "I don't want to contribute to my country for the next 5 years" (Yes! I've seen such comments! No doubt spoken out of emo-ness rather than a serious decision.) Say, "I'll contribute differently - I'll speak to more people. I'll share my vision and the vision of my party. I'll ensure victory the next time."

Be the difference! Someone rightly pointed out - you say the government is corrupt, but what about you? Do you offer bribes? Do you cheat on your tax returns? Do you obey the law and ensure others do too?

Care enough early! A lot of people only started to 'care' when election time came, which is way too late to make a difference. There was what - 3 weeks? And even then, their 'care' took the form of group complain sessions at the mamak stalls, rather than tangible support for their local candidate.

Give financially! If you believe in it, put your money where your mouth is! There were huge rallies practically up to election date - what if, the same supporters had given earlier? Pakatan could have reached more people in the rural areas with their dream before it was 'too late'.

I don't know how long it'll take some Malaysians to buck up again... But I do see what is wrong with my country now, and no, it's not just the government!

P.S. I hate my country being like this... I hate it I hate it I hate it. :'(

Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Weaker I Get The Stronger I Become: Kelita Haverland at TEDxSunRiver

Incredible woman with unbelievable courage... A songwriter who dares to tell... A speaker who dares to inspire with her own story. Her life is a testimony to what God can create out of brokenness to His glory.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Over the age of consent

Recently a dear volunteer friend of mine stayed overnight for a conference. As ever, we caught up with stories of the kids we were serving, and stories of kids whom we used to serve and who have grown-up.

I was asking her, How much do children with Down Syndrome understand? For my church in Singapore has a service just for youths and adults with learning disabilities. She told me that it varies child to child.

I asked her if there had been any issues with her special kids. She was quiet a moment before she murmured that they had discovered a case of incest by father to intellectually disabled daughter. Her superior had lodged a report, but nothing had happened. Why? Because the intellectually disabled girl was 18 years old.

She sighed as she told how her superior had raged that if only the girl was under 18, she would take her into custody immediately. But her hands were tied.

Thankfully, mean though it sounds, the father passed away soon after. But how many more disabled 'adults' are denied the help they need just because they are of 'legal age'?

P.S. I was looking up people who can counsel this girl, and asked my friend if she would like me to refer her on... But my friend said the girl is fine. Is she? These things come back...