Thursday, May 9, 2013

You're not worthy...

Receive a gift... give it away.

Take a holiday... 'I'm too busy'.

A task needs to be done... 'I'll do it!'

When you don't feel 'worthy', it makes it so hard to believe that you 'deserve' something. Things that other people take for granted - food, affection, breaks... All this, you can't have because you're not 'worthy'.

You keep working, and working, and working... And looking at all the people who are taking a short break, laughing and enjoying the companionship of others... And you feel a pang that used to be sharp, now dulled, 'knowing' that you can't have any of that.

So you trudge on... and on... and on... And life turns grey and meaningless, filled with drudgery, empty of joy and love and laughter and renewal of energy... because you are not 'worthy'.

And what makes you 'unworthy'? Who told you years ago that you don't deserve any of this? What voice whispered in your ear that because you are [fill in the blank], you are like a stepchild of this world, who needs to earn your way, just for the right to live here?

I don't know.

Sometimes, you don't need to wait until you 'understand' before you can change... Sometimes it's as simple as making the decision to do so ❤

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