Saturday, November 29, 2014

Trust along the journey

Dee got back to me recently to confirm that there will be no difficulties with me volunteering full-time in Dayspring. We were both a bit concerned about the visa issue, but we'll figure it out as we go along. I really honour their trust in me to come in and learn from them. We've talked about setting up a Dayspring in Malaysia. We are both amazed that God has led us together. Dee shared that God had told them, "This is not your dream. It is Mine." when they set up Dayspring. That has always felt like what my dream is - not mine, but a much higher dream than me. I'm not much more than the carrier of the dream.

I've been going for Dramatherapy to get ready for the time when I will be in Dayspring and for the future as well. It's been a rough journey, and many old behaviors that I thought settled started coming back again. But most interestingly, I felt 'taller'. It's not that I grew at all (I would have loved that :)), but instead I realised that I had been this tall for quite a while. But until I reintegrated all the different parts of me that had been kept in boxes, both good and bad, I had always felt 'small'. I still remember my first year in Camp Vision when one of the youths said, "Gillian is TINY" and Thomas said, "What about S?" The youth replied, "S is small, but Gillian is tiny!" I think I know what she means.

We've finished our last academic class, and I'm rather sad about that - I could have listened for hours to our lecturers. But it's time to move on to the next step in the journey. I'm honoured to be on this journey, honestly, strange as that may sound. I've frequently thought, "Who am I to do this?" But knowing that this is a much bigger dream than myself, gives me courage for the journey. 'Lead me on, and I will go/ Lead me on and I will follow/ Lead me on to where so few have gone/ And I will go... I will go/ Lead me on'. I sang that as a youth of 15 years. I never imagined the journey would be this interesting.

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