We just had a 3-day Grief and Loss Workshop. I don't remember much of it; I found out I have a pretty bad case of ADD!
I missed out on one segment because I was outside with someone who needed someone to talk to. Later on, my classmate told me about it. There had been an empty chair demonstration. That, by the way, for all those who don't know, is one of the most painful exercises ever. But this lady, who had courageously demonstrated the exercise, said that she had never healed or talked to anyone about what she had gone through.
My classmate was very affected by it. She was afraid that someday she would be less than a good counsellor because of it. Her fear made me think. I didn't want to end up someday being a counsellor who skims the surface because I'm afraid of going deep. So I decided that I would need to start accessing the deep wells of emotions that I normally never dare to delve into.
It's funny, but the best way for me to explain that is that I started to feel as if I was coming alive again. I could even feel my fingertips, which I can't normally feel. I can breath deeply. More than any of that, I can feel again. It's a heaviness right now, but that is congruent with how I do feel these days, as I leave the comfortable womb of HELP Uni and head to Singapore. So I'm allowing myself to feel the heaviness, knowing that like all feelings, it is transient and it will go.
It feels good to feel again. Painful, but good.