Monday, July 17, 2017

Moments of Doubt

I was told by my counsellor that I am 'stressed'. I denied that I am - I mean, I'm a counsellor myself, for goodness sakes! Of course I can diagnose myself, right? Yet, as she went through the symptoms one by one, I realised that I WAS stressed.

My tummy is all knotted up. It's funny because I know that I know that I know that my God always comes through. But maybe it's everything - maybe it is the Masters in Counselling and the humiliation of having to do a lesser paper instead of a thesis... maybe it's seeing my youths unhappy and dragged on when I'm used to seeing them happy and bold... maybe it is church and feeling nervous because of all that has happened with PK and the others and never sure of my footing in church... maybe it is home and family... I don't know.

I feel tired because I know I've got to be there for everyone. It's a leader's job, isn't it? But I don't want to be a leader. I want to let go .. run away... I really relate to what Pst Sarah shared in her sermon (incidentally, I like her preaching style!) I just wish there are no changes. I'm so tired. I'm so tired.